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Citizens For a Poop-Free Environment

July 4, 2012

There’s nothing I hate worse than republican politicians, except for stepping in dog poop while walking in my yard. There’s really not much difference between republicans and dog poop, but at least we can do something about the poop.

I walk my dog on a leash and have trained her to go at the edge of the woods rather than in the yard. And, I have developed a poopographic memory. I make a mental note of where she has pooped so I can go back later, shovel it up, and heave it into the woods. You may ask why I get rid of it if it’s not in the yard. That’s because I don’t want her to step in it the next time she goes in the same location. She sleeps with me and I don’t want a poopy-footed puppy in my bed.

A lot of my neighbors let their dogs run loose, and sometimes they like to poop in my yard. If I catch them in the act, I run them off screaming like a crazy person. Then I shovel up their offerings. Occasionally, however, they will sneak a pile when I’m not looking. I have to be constantly on guard for these hidden land mines. Pickles is good at sniffing them out when she’s with me. A swarm of flies in one place is another good indication that danger is lurking. So, 99% of the time, I manage to avoid the dreaded poop shoe.

If only we could teach our dogs to clean up after themselves. Since they don’t have hands and wouldn’t use a shovel if they did, some eat their poop, but that is thoroughly disgusting. Eventually they will want to lick you in the face. They also want to eat the poop of rabbits, squirrels, possums, etc., but that’s a good way for them to get tapeworms. It’s best that we humanoids handle the situation. Fortunately, my olfactory sense is not very acute and I can shovel the most odorous droppings without triggering my gag reflex. So I will continue to do my part to keep my environment poop-free. If only getting rid of republicans were that easy.

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