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I Am NOT Your Chew Toy!

January 11, 2012

This is a puppy update – or a pupdate. Pickles is 5-1/2 months old and I’ve had her for two months now. She’s in her “terrible twos” and is getting near the end of her teething stage (I hope). She has all her adult teeth anyway. But now her toenails are getting longer and sharper. Teething has been the worst part of her puppyhood. When we walk outside, EVERYTHING goes in her mouth – acorns, sticks, rocks, dirt clods, grass,leaves, etc. She even ate some rabbit turds which gave her a tapeworm.

When we’re inside, she destroys all her toys. She has chewed up her squeaky toys and swallowed parts of them. I saw some of the pieces come out of her butt when she pooped. She can annihilate a rawhide bone within an hour and make it disappear. She chewed the plug off of a lamp cord. Fortunately (or unfortunately) it wasn’t plugged in. I’m sure she swallowed some of the copper wire strands because she developed bloody diarrhea after that. She has eaten entire pencils. She completely defeathered a feather duster and strewed the feathers all over the room. She chewed up my postage stamp dispenser and ruined about $11 worth of stamps. She chewed up my hand-made leather lighter cover and swallowed part of that.

Everytime I try to pet her lovingly, she wants to chew on my hand and arm. I understand that that’s how she plays since she doesn’t have hands. If she treated me like she does her toys, she’d be running through the house with my severed arm in her mouth.

Whenever I think she’s pretty-well house-trained, she makes a liar out of me. One night, she pooped in the bathroom (on the vinyl) I cleaned that up and, when I got in bed, I was wondering why it felt cold in the middle. She had peed on the bed!!! I had to get up and strip everything off the bed, flip the mattress and change the sheets. The next morning I had to wash everything and re-make the bed again. While I was on the phone bragging to a friend that she was house-trained, she was shredding a superball into a million pieces which she then pooped out on the carpet in the computer room. I was going to clean my carpets the other day but, fortunately, decided against it because that night I caught her in the act of peeing on the den carpet. I walloped the tar out of her for that.

When she’s not being so bad, she’s really sweet and loveable. She’s growing like a weed and, in one month, she gained 11 pounds. I hope that was just a growth spurt and not an indication that she will be a big dog. Puppies are the cutest creatures in the world but I will never go through this again. They are like little balls of concentrated, uncontrolled atomic energy with no remorse whatsoever. I love her anyway though and I think she love me.

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