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No Right Turn!

October 25, 2010

As you’re driving to your polling place, remember one thing: Don’t turn right! A right turn could cause you to drive off a cliff and into an abyss. As you begin to fall toward oblivion you’ll begin to realize that the no-right-turn sign was put there for your protection but it’s too late now. There’s no turning back. The only thing you can do is scream in horror and await your ultimate fate – the end of the life you’ve known and loved. There are no more regulations to protect you. There are no social programs to help you. There’s no government that cares.

If, by some miracle you survive the impending crash, no one will come to your aid because taxes that once supported emergency services have been eliminated. If you manage to crawl to a hospital, you won’t be allowed in because you aren’t wealthy enough to afford health insurance. So you lie there on the curb begging for help, but the tea-baggers spit on you because you show no self-reliance. The republicans run over you with their Lexuses because you’re useless since you’re no longer able to vote for them.

Then along comes former President Obama in a wheelchair. “I tried to help you before, and I wish I could help you now,” he says, “but the republicans have cut me off at the knees so I’m powerless to help anyone now.” You lie there praying for a quick death. Your dying wish is that you’d just heeded that warning sign and voted against those heartless republican bastards.

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