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The UnTied States of America

October 8, 2010

I’ve had it with all the bickering, back-biting and negativity from conservatives. We are really two deeply divided Americas trying to coexist and it’s not working out. We’re like the Israelis and the Palestinians without the rockets. So, I propose an amicable two-state solution for America. Based on the 2008 political map, most of the blue states are in the East and most red states are in the West so let’s use the Mississippi River as the geographical dividing line. All the republicans can migrate to the western side and all the democrats to the eastern side.

My map shows the two separate Americas divided by political orientation. The conservatives get 23 big states including Alaska and the progressives get 27 smaller states including Hawaii. For now, I’ll call the western country “The Conservative States of America (CSA) and the eastern country “The Progressive States of America” (PSA). Independents may want to live in the border states. Each country would have its own military and a constitution that suits its political beliefs.

Perhaps the CSA would ban abortion and the teaching of evolution, make Christianity the only national religion, drill for oil wherever they want, have little government, no taxes, no social programs and no regulations. They would control the border with Mexico so they could just shoot the illegal aliens on sight. Sarah Palin could be their president, Sheriff Joe Arpaio the attorney general, and their flag might be a big dollar bill.

The PSA might have legalized abortion and marijuana, complete separation of church and state, freedom of religion, universal healthcare, an economy based on clean renewable energy, regulated commerce to prevent future meltdowns, an efficient government, and a fair tax structure. President Obama could finally get things done and the flag might be a tie-dyed background with a peace symbol.

We waste so much time, money and energy fighting amongst ourselves within our current system. They hate us, we hate them, so the only answer seems to be divorce – call it quits and go our separate ways. Imagine being able to walk down the street knowing that everyone you pass has a similar mindset to yours. After a few decades, it would become apparent which system is the better one.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. September 16, 2010 12:03 AM

    thats a pretty good solution!

  2. Thomas M Kempf permalink
    October 5, 2011 9:48 AM

    Hey, Alien – I like your article and would like to use just a little bit in a book I am writing intended to solve the country’s problems! I’m using it as a reference of other people who recognize the problem and have written something about it. This is my first book ever, so you can imagine the millions i’ll sell, but, I figured I’d best ask before I publish your quote!

    Thanks, Tom Kempf

    Here’s the quote:

    This from the “Stranded Alien:” “We waste so much time, money and energy fighting amongst ourselves within our current system. They hate us, we hate them, so the only answer seems to be divorce – call it quits and go our separate ways. Imagine being able to walk down the street knowing that everyone you pass has a similar mindset to yours. After a few decades, it would become apparent which system is the better one.”

    • October 5, 2011 12:00 PM

      Hey, Tom-
      I’m glad you liked my article and I’m honored that you want to quote it. I would ask that you include the link to my blog – strandedalien.wordpress.com – so your readers can pay me a visit. Good luck solving the country’s problems, and good luck with your book. Contact me again when you get published and send me a copy. I’d love to read it.

  3. July 23, 2016 1:04 AM

    California wouldn’t like this at all.

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