About

I’m from Uranus. My spaceship crashed on your planet in 1994. My transponder was broken beyond repair so I couldn’t call home for help. I waited a long time in the piedmont region of South Carolina for my people to rescue me, but they never came. I had no choice but to take on human form and try to blend in to your society. I have gotten used to living in this form, but I’ll never truly fit in. In all my travels through the galaxy, I’ve never encountered a race of beings quite like you humans. You seem to fall into two categories. Half of you are like Uranians – intelligent, compassionate and peaceful. The rest of you are violent, selfish, stubbborn, cruel, and you wallow in your own ignorance. I’ve noticed that your politics are divided along these same lines. The first group seem to be Democrats, while the latter group tend to be Republicans. Martians were the same way. They never could agree on anything … and we all know what happened to them. I just hope my homies come to rescue me before you humans completely destroy what’s left of your society and your planet.